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Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Just What I Needed Today

Last night was a bad night for me. I couldn't sleep thinking about my son waiting for me on the other side of the world.

I was stressing about the court date - "What if we don't get through? How much longer will we have to wait? Will we make it through before the court closure?"

I was stressing about not having tentative travel dates - "Is there something wrong? Do they know something they are not telling me?"

I was stressing about packing - "Do I have enough clothes? Bottles? Etc..." (I'm a first time mom, so I am pretty insecure about this stuff.)

So I woke up this morning still feeling the weight of all of this on my shoulders. Even communicating with the travel coordinator (who still didn't have many answers) made me feel no different.

I have tried to keep myself busy at work, which isn't hard.

It's been raining, hailing, windy and sunny here...kind of reflects my feelings at any given moment.

About an hour ago, I noticed an email came in. It was a reply from Rachel Ward. I had asked some questions about gifts for the Transition Home and donations. I read the email, where she answered one of my questions. She also mentioned that she was having technical difficulties and may not be able to share photos of our son this Friday (we get updates and photos every other Friday).

So another thing to add onto my "bummed" state.

Then there was another email that came in...

A family who traveled in March took pictures of our little Nathaniel and emailed them to Rachel, who then sent them to me today!!! What a gift!!! What a way to give me some perspective on my day. This isn't about "woe is me," this is about Nathaniel. It's about God chosing this little boy to be in my home. It is always so encouraging to see his precious little face. I stand amazed that God has chosen little ole' us to be this miracle's parents.

Hopefully I will be able to share these with you on Monday!

Sitting here, re-reading my current post, I am reminded of something my husband says often. "God has big shoulders. He can handle your anger, your fear, your anxiousness, etc."

Thank you, Lord that you love me even though I am far from perfect. Thank you for your forgiveness, your peace, hope and grace. Again, I reliquish control to You. I give you Nathaniel. Keep him safe in your arms. Thank you for blessing us with this little boy. We will never deserve such a gift. We dedicate him to You.

5 comments:

Carpenters said...

Holly, thank you so much for sharing your heart. I think the wait for a successful court date is the hardest. Hold strong, girl. We're praying for you, Paul and Nathaniel.

With Love,
Penelope

Jori said...

Keep up the fight ... I ca't wait to "see" his little face on Monday and to hear of your travel plans SOON!
Blessings, jori
WFR 02/19 either x2

Andrea said...

Oh Holly,
I have goose bumps reading your post.......I am right there with you!! I have not been sleeping well this week either and am feeling a little blue. I am sending you an e-mail now.

Andrea

shawn and tisha said...

Holly,
I'll be praying for your court date. This is a wonderful post, it shows so much how God works in our lives and hearts. Thank you for sharing.

I know what you mean about the first time mom insecurities, I have them too. It sounds like you are really prepared though, I know you'll do great! :)
Tisha

Kiki:) said...

Holly & Paul,
We have you covered all weekend...this is it!!! God will pour His mighty miracles @ court on the 4th!! Rest assure, Duni would tear down the building if there were any problems...promise!!:)
We can't wait to see his face next Monday HERE...plastered from top to bottom!
Praying for you today...rest in His arms! God has Big hands, too:)
Lots of love,
Kari